Playing beach

As I was getting ready to lead worship on Sunday, practicing at the piano, Aaralyn and Ephraim were keeping busy in the backyard playing 'beach'. This involves the sand box, water, umbrellas, sand toys and bathing suits. I hadn't heard from them in a while, so there was a little niggle in the back of my mind warning me that perhaps it might be time to check on what those two little munchkins were doing. Just as that thought crossed my mind, however, they came running around the corner into the living room, and I almost fell off the piano bench when I saw Ephraim in his bathing suit.

Here's the conversation after I got it together enough to actually speak:

Mommy: "Aaralyn, that is actually a girl's bathing suit".

Aaralyn (after looking at me like I was a bit dense): "Ephraim, do you like flowers?"

Ephraim: "Yes, Aaralyn, I like flowers"

Aaralyn (with a very satisfied look on her face): "See Mommy, Ephraim likes flowers - so what is the problem?"

Now this is one picture that I have got to keep on hand for when he is sixteen and I need a trump card.

A few thoughts...

It has been quite a while since I have blogged. For lent this year I decided that I needed to let something go that I had been holding on to too tightly. It could have been any number of things...but it felt like my blog-hopping habit was getting a bit too much. I spent too much time looking at other people's lives. I spent too much time behind the computer period. I spent too much time thinking I didn't measure up. I spent too much time 'getting ideas'. So, I let go of blog-hopping (and necessarily, blogging) for 40 days.

Here are a few things I have learned:

1. I have a weakness to compare myself to others. Call it what you will, but it is what it is. It seems to be exacerbated by seeing what other people are accomplishing. And I have to remember to keep that in check.

2. I missed reading about other people's hopes and dreams and struggles and insecurities and love more than anything else. (Lizzy's eye candy came in close second, though...)

3. I realized that I do spend alot of time in front of this screen. This is something else I need to keep in check.

4. I was surprised at how much scrapbooking I did over lent - all that time I usually spent looking for ideas, I spent working on my own projects. I think I probably came close to 3 or 4 layouts a week, and that has not really happened for a very, very long time.

5. I didn't really miss out on a whole lot (except for the give-aways, which I never win anyways!). It only took me about 2 hours to catch up on all my "regular blogs". It made me understand that it is my life and my kids and my story that I need to focus on.

6. Finally, this experiment has made me realize that it isn't blogging that is the problem. The problem is deep inside my core. These issues of comparison and avoidance have more to do with who I think I am and how worthy I think I am. That's the harsh reality of where I am in this place in time.

So, my work started with letting go of blogging, and ironically enough, came full circle with a quote by my favourite blogger, ali edwards, that I found on Easter Monday (when I was catching up on everything that I had missed) which I wanted to share here. I think I may actually print it out and frame it - so I can read it often and remind myself that there are certain things that I need to let go and other things I need to hold on to very, very tightly.

Have a wonderful Sunday tomorrow. I will be in one of my favourite places in the whole world - in front of a piano, worshipping the most amazing and loving Father a person could ever ask for. His story for me is so much bigger and greater and wonderful than I could ever imagine my story could be and that is what I need to cling to for dear life.